Monthly Archives: June 2014

The key to marrying a good Egyptian man is to test him.

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I am a foreigner male living in Egypt. Egyptian men overall are quite wonderful and I personally know many men here who would be great and ethical husbands to foreign women. This perhaps comes via meeting a lot of men so I am able to weed out the good catches from the not-so-good.
 
 

Although I hate to generalize, there are some negative personality traits that I have observed too often from a lot of Egyptian men which can be red flags. Control freak tendencies even if minor, quick personality shifts or changes which can include revenge, quick to anger, inability to admit errors or wrongdoing, and poor active listening skills thus a tendency to interrupt too quickly.

 
The key to marrying a good Egyptian man is to test him. It thus increases the odds for success. Wanting to leave Egypt is not always a bad sign since many indeed want to create a better life for themselves and their future family or at least explore the world. Of course if their goal of marriage is to just obtain a visa then that is the biggest red flag.

 
Here are ways to improve your odds via tests. And it doesn’t matter if Egyptian men read these tests and attempt to con you by pretending to be ethical. The truth always seeps through sooner or later even if via the smallest discreet ways.

 
1) Avoid those who work in the tourism industry or who have access to a lot of tourists. He should be working though somewhere. Not all are bad of course. I am just saying it will increase your odds if his work has nothing to do with tourism. At minimal, try to meet men elsewhere other than at a tourism setting.

 
2) Observe carefully his active listening skills towards you and others. If he interrupts too quickly, doesn’t ask you and others questions about the things you and others are saying, etc, etc then than can be a sign of lurking impatience as well as him lacking certain social observational skills. If he is truly interested in you and others, he will be consciously aware of not interrupting when others are talking. Also, good active listening skills is also a sign of intelligence. A good listener is able to acquire more data, is less likely to assume or jump to quick conclusions before knowing all the details, and being a good listener is also reflective of politeness and kindness which are both reflective of having above average intelligence. A patience is a very good sign reflective of a man who is less controlling. A man who is a good careful listener can lead to success, especially in the future when conflicts or disagreements arise. Egyptian men, for some control freak reason,
always usually have to be right, if there is a conflict. You will observe this via their listening skills when it occurs whereby they reject what the other person is saying and sticks to their own opinions feeling that their own opinion is always the correct one.

 

3) Monitor carefully if he is able to admit errors without a ritual dance of denial. And can he apologize quickly without the denial dance. I have actually only met one Egyptian man in my life who can do that. If they make an error and it is exposed or confronted, they usually go to great efforts to blame the other person or situation. This behavior is also contradictory to common religious beliefs. Egyptian men will often say God Willing that something should happen. But if something goes wrong they too often get frazzled. Maybe it was God’s Will that something went wrong, right? Not getting frazzled so quickly by things that go wrong, and being able to admit wrongdoing to you or to others reveals a man who is both respectful to others and towards God.

 

4) Make sure he is absolutely against the idea of Muslims marrying 4 wives, even if he is a Muslim. Now I am not saying that he might marry others after being married to you. On the contrary, the point is that he should be against the idea itself. If he is, that is a sign that he can understand how to properly love and care for a woman because his awareness can understand loyalty and devotion. It doesn’t matter what is allowed by religious laws or cultural acceptance. Even if he is a Muslim he should not like that notion of 4 wives. The truth is, marrying 4 wives is basically legal cheating. And it is a very cruel thing to do to a woman no matter all the fancy justifications or possible reasons for it. Would an Egyptian man like it if his wife was married to 3 other men even if it was allowed or there was a good excuse for it? No way; his heart would be shattered and broken.


 
5) Test him via your communications with other men in front of him. Does he tend to get jealous if you speak to or have male friends, or does he get frazzled if you speak nicely and give friendly attention to other men around him? If an Egyptian man truly loves you he won’t get frazzled by this to the point of control. He will want you to have male friends and he will want to elevate your life and freedom not constrict it. It doesn’t matter all the fancy justifications for controlling women’s interactions with men such as religious justifications, what the neighbors will think, claiming that other men will flirt, etc…. it’s all nonsense. The truth is it is about control and jealously. A smart man knows that if he properly treats and loves his woman, she will not flirt with others and will remain loyal; even if other men flirt with her, she will not respond back in that same manner. He thus should not get frazzled if you go out for lunch with another man. (It is slightly taboo to do that in Egypt but in other countries it is fine.) So test him and be sure he knows you have male friends too. If he takes an interest in your male friends and becomes friends with them too, well that is a very rare Egyptian man. Remember, when Egyptian men say things like they are ‘worried for your safety’ if you go venture outside alone such as shopping, it is all a hoax and they know it. It is all about control and jealousy.
 

6) Perhaps at first show minimal interest at living together in another country. Show more interest in you wanting to stay in Egypt and carve out a life together with him. Even if you have to slightly lie, this still can be an important test to determine if he truly loves you or just wants a marriage only to gain foreign nationality. The truth is, if there is strong devoted love between two people, where you live – even temporarily – makes no difference, you just want to be with each other. Also, a very good life can indeed be carved out in Egypt. It is a false notion that only a good life can be found overseas. Incomes are of course different. But the truth is I have more chances at living like a king here in Egypt than I do in my country of birth.

 
7) Observe his religious beliefs whatever those are. It doesn’t matter what the belief is, just note one thing: can he humble himself to the truth that he might be wrong about what he thinks he knows or has been taught. Humbleness is the key to being spiritual and religious, not indoctrinated know-it-all assumptions. Humbleness might manifest like this:”The Koran says this, but the truth is nobody know really knows if it is the exact truth or not.” or “This is what the Koran says will happen, but God is powerful and can do whatever He wants including change prophecy”. Etc. Humbleness is a rare quality. That is why no Muslim can accept when you tell them that Prophet Muhammed wrote personal letters to Kings around the world stating that Jesus is God in the flesh. One of those letters is in St. Catherine’s Monestary in Egypt. Tell a Muslim man this and he will always reject it because he cannot humble himself to the truth that he and others (including religious experts) might be wrong about what they know or have been taught.

 
Don’t be strict with testing. Men are not perfect and do indeed make mistakes and deserve chances. Just use keen observation and don’t rush into the relationship. My points aren’t mentioned in order to find a perfect Egyptian male but rather only to increase the odds of success by observing certain discreet personality traits either good or bad. And if you are paying out money too fast too many times at the start of the relationship….. danger, danger, danger, red flag.

 
 

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